Word of the Day: せめて

I think I am slowly getting over my agoraphobia, which I am grateful for. I needed to one way or another. But, I also am at a point where, I am looking at my TODOs and can really decide a course of action right now.

It is really based on my energy right now so I can't be wasting all willy nilly like I was for a few days. That Eclipse in Virgo was... hmmm it is a weird feeling because I don't have Virgo strongly in my chart so, I am sure the Virgos felt very impowered during that time. For me, it was like that one scene in interstellar where he is going through dimensions and I only had random bookshelf dust to use to communicate anything. Like super exact but, sort of inconvenient.

Probably how the hacker feels too but, fuck them.

I bought some groceries and stuff so I feel better that I won't need to keep eating fast food. I do enjoy it though.

enough.

Yes, exactly. It was enough. Yea, I will be honest. I am lost a bit now. I thought doing weed might open the path more clearly for me, but this isn't the time to do it. Like even if it would help, this is not the time to do it. It is like... taking cough syrup when you're not sick; it isn't preventative or anything, and I don't think it expands your lung capacity either.

Ah... I get it. I do need a therapist. But I think I need a therapist who could speak to me in something other than English.

You want to prepare for that kind of experience?

What are you talking about?... ah, yea.. I already had that experience, huh? If I say it doesn't help in English, why would I condone it in Japanese or something else?....

I guess because, losing faith in everything and being completely nihilistic... just doesn't feel right to me. It turns me into a... ghost?

Ah I see. We are ghosts.

chuugoku wa mein dakara, sono shitsurei ga.. koritsumuen to iu yojijuku go wo oboete shimatte naa?

Ahhhh, yea because my disposition naturally puts me North.

I feel that is a different thing? That is more akin to a zombie, a mummy is.. if you look at it through the lens of mythical being. A real mummy is simply someone who is dead who's body has been preserved.

I won't tempt fate anymore. Yea, maybe I ah, yea some people messed some things up. AHHH maybe I did, but I have no idea how to make that right and that is such a localized thing.

Geez, I think I might need to use one TODO page just for drinking water. I didn't realize I have drank proper water or tea in a while. I was drinking sodas more and it has really dehydrated me. I look like shit.

I am caught up on my Scheduler... that is a good thing. I have simplified some things on that to make it more manageable. Now I just have to... ah I am forgetting my github lingo but, basically like pushing and pulling changes, you know?

I got the least vitamin K2 pig liver pate... I am so pathetic.

Goose - Most Vitamin K2

Chicken - Second Vitamin K2 ( You have to eat 6x the amount )

Pig - Least Vitamin K2 ( You have to eat 20x the amount )

I feel I am wasting it too just because I don't know how to eat it. I mixed it into this rice I bought, just to see how it interacts with carbohydrates... but this rice is fake shit anyway so I dunno if I can really call this a true interaction. The preservatives probably prevent it from being soaked up properly.

My first thought was " It needs bread. " but I should probably look for a recipe so as not to waste it.

The only two recipes I see that make sense is Bahn Mi and some sort of stuffed ravioli.. which I feel would make it on the same level as a xiao long bao... which sounds really good. But I lack a lot of the tools/ingredients to make this.