I'm Afraid of Not Being Enough
On the Cost of Always Being the Strong One
I am afraid of not being enough.
That is the central fact of this poem.
I am afraid that my work is not good enough.
I am afraid that my effort is not impressive enough.
I am afraid that the person I am is not sufficient for the life I want.
...
This fear affects my decisions.
It makes me hesitate before I speak.
It makes me rewrite messages several times before sending them.
It makes me compare myself to people who seem more confident, more successful, or more secure.
...
I do not want to feel this way.
I want to believe that I am adequate as I am.
I want to trust that growth does not require self-rejection.
I want to accept that mistakes do not cancel my value.
...
Sometimes I work too hard because I think achievement will solve this fear.
Sometimes I avoid trying because I think failure will confirm it.
Both reactions come from the same concern: I do not want to be dismissed, ignored, or judged as lacking.
...
This is not about humility.
It is not about ambition.
It is about worth.
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I want to feel that my presence matters.
I want to know that I do not need to prove my right to exist in every room I enter.
I want to stop measuring my value by outcomes.
...
I am afraid of not being enough.
I am stating it clearly because avoiding the sentence has not made it disappear.
About the Creator
Lori A. A.
Psychological analysis | Identity & human behavior | Reflection over sensationalism
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Pearl
1980 something. we all hung out at Pearl and you and i were nothing special, or so i thought. i mean we all danced, drenched in our own sweat, our own saline solution of fear, too many beers, shots, laughter, tears, fucks in the bathroom and i don't know when we began to be afraid. do you?
By ROCK aka Andrea Polla (Simmons)6 days ago in Fiction
Comments (1)
ooof This is painful and its relatable. I wrote from a similar place recently and fellow Vocal writer mentioned the concept of "imposter syndrome". I hadn't heard of it before, but it kind of explained the feeling for me. Apparently this is a widespread thing, where competent people criticize their own work very harshly, even to the point of believing that any measure of success is the result of luck rather than effort and skill. I think this is the first poem of yours I read, and I see value in it. The conclusion is especially moving "I'm stating it clearly because avoiding the sentence has not made it disappear". I felt that. It's all good writing, but your end note elevates the entire poem, putting weight and intention behind all that came before it. I don't know if that feeling ever disappears but I do know you're definitely not alone if you fall into the trap of seeing yourself as less than you actually are. And for what it's worth, if this is anything like imposter syndrome, then the fact is others are actually going to see you in a better light than you see yourself :)