Stream of Consciousness
I Am Not Fun Anymore.. Content Warning.
Everyday I’m getting older, everyday brings more mistakes. leaving the way I did was a way of saying fuck you. It was my final act of rebellion, my way of asserting my identity and my independence. My old friends told me that I am no longer fun anymore and I laughed but the longer I think about it the less funny it became. It became a very odd thing to think about, I lived in a place were if I died it would definitely shock people but they wouldn’t be surprised that was when I knew that I needed to change.
By Nat 2 years ago in Confessions
10 Million Little Things...
When a person has been through so much trauma there comes a point where the mind overthinks every little detail and every little interaction that hasn't become a commonplace occurrence. That too sometimes gets questioned in his or her mind. This is where I found myself this morning when I stepped out of my car to pump gas at my local gas station and a gentleman came strolling up to me but respectfully keeping his distance and said, "Mam, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but you are beautiful." I said thank you and continued pumping my gas as did he. He didn't say anything else to me while we were both going about the business of putting gas into our vehicles but my mind was going a thousand miles a minute from just that simple interaction. "He didn't go behind my car and put a tracker on it when I wasn't looking, did he? No, of course not, I saw him come out of the gas station.", "Am I really that beautiful? No, trust me, you don't want me. I mean if you could just hear me rattling off in my head right now you'd understand why.", "Damaged beyond repair that's what I am. It's best I'm left alone.", I had turned to put my wallet back into my car and my thoughts turned to, "Watch your back. Listen. He may try to attack you." Eventually, we both finished pumping our gas and then he bid me a good day and I did him as well and he left. A simple interaction and yet it brought tears to my eyes. As you've probably figured out by now I don't take compliments from the opposite sex very well anymore. I'm not sure how to perceive them. Are they disguises for something more sinister lying in wait just down the line? Is it a mask used to lure me in? To me, all a compliment from a man spells out is danger. You see, we've been down this path several times before and it always ends badly. I feel like a stray animal that's never been in a loving home before and doesn't understand how to accept love. My parents showed me love in the best way they knew how but to be honest, it was an obscured view as well, and now although I have a good understanding of what love should look like I don't trust that it exists at least not long term. And certainly not for me. When I receive a compliment I know what I should do is receive the compliment, perhaps say something nice back but in my mind, all I can do is look for danger and all I want to do is run. You see what you don't see is the 10 million little thoughts running through my mind, what you don't see is the 10 million ways I've done thought of how you've murdered me and buried my body, what you don't see or realize is the 10 million little things that have led to my PTSD and my trauma ridden mind, what you don't realize is the 10 million battles I've already had to overcome and the last thing I want to do is overcome another one, you don't know the 10 million mountains I've climbed just to get here, you don't see my 10 million little scars do you? You wouldn't I try hard to hide them. I've tried hard to overcome them, to shine despite them but there is one thing that terrifies me still. Please don't be nice to me.
By Lindsey Altom2 years ago in Confessions
To Be Alive: Introduction. Content Warning.
Ever since I was a little child I've known what its like to be unwanted. I can take a deep look into someones eyes and see the pity and disgust they have for me. They say eyes are the windows to the soul, and for many years I've learned how to read their souls and intentions.
By Somebody 2 years ago in Confessions
"Examining the Comparative Harm: Vaping vs. Smoking - A Look into Their Impact on Health"
In the United States and the United Kingdom, vaping has become a concerning issue, as it has infiltrated the lives of young people. One out of every five high school students in the US currently vapes, while 7% of kids aged 11 to 17 in the UK now engage in this practice. This number has nearly doubled in the last two years, making vaping more popular among young people than smoking cigarettes. However, with the recent news of vape-related deaths among young individuals, it is crucial to question whether vaping is worse than smoking cigarettes.
By Dreamweaver2 years ago in Confessions
Under the Moon's Spell: The Journey from Eternal Twilight to Starlit Splendor
The twilight draped lazily over Arcadia, its hues soft and comforting. The townsfolk carried out their daily routines, their reverence for Artemis evident as they gathered at the chime of the nightingale's song. Every evening, they congregated in the central square, bowing in reverence to their guardian of the moon. Following their rituals, the women attended to the needs of the children while the men ventured into the lush forest to gather sustenance. As night descended, they gathered outdoors, illuminated by the gentle glow of Selene, indulging in the abundance of their harvest.
By hawk12 years ago in Confessions
My Thoughts on a Warm Wednesday Evening. Top Story - March 2024. Content Warning.
I was hoping today, after a tired day, you would help me prepare for my mother's birthday surprise. A candle would've sufficed. Instead, you watched TV, loudly, looked disinterested and then reprimanded me for sharing my feelings.
By Manisha Dhalani2 years ago in Confessions
Benefits of Women . Content Warning.
Around the world, feminism, a social and political movement that promotes gender equality, has drastically changed the lives of women. Feminism has empowered women and promoted a more just and equitable society by advocating for equal rights, opportunities, and treatment. It is clear from examining the many advantages of feminism for women and society as a whole that its influence extends beyond personal experiences to influence societal change and collective advancement.
By Nouman Yousaf2 years ago in Confessions
Haunted Houses in UK. Content Warning.
Stories of haunted houses dot the spooky terrain of the United Kingdom, captivating the imaginations of many for generations. The UK is home to charming homes and old castles that have a long history of paranormal activity. These eerie residences serve as silent, mysterious, and fascinating witnesses to the past. We examine the spooky stories behind some of the most well-known haunted properties in the UK in this investigation.
By Nouman Yousaf2 years ago in Confessions
Forgive me Father for I Have Sinned
Do you ever just...have those moments where you reflect on all the terrible things you've done in your life? Or re-think social interactions and consider how you acted, say behaved and didn't like who you were then, and question whether you're still that person now? I know us humans are flawed creatures, and sometimes if not more but less than most, we are tainted as well as blessed.
By Rosie J. Sargent2 years ago in Confessions
Kleptomaniac
Stealing, often perceived as a mere transgression, can evolve into a gripping compulsion, akin to an addiction that seeps into the very fabric of one's existence. My journey through the labyrinth of compulsive stealing began in my early teens, a tumultuous period where the allure of colorful trinkets and illicit acquisitions proved too potent to resist. What started as a casual act of pocketing a bar of chocolate escalated into a consuming pattern of theft, leaving me ensnared in a web of shame, guilt, and paradoxical satisfaction.
By Alison Cloveheart2 years ago in Confessions
Heaven is Real
I am Earl Chapman and I experienced heaven. I never was born with a disease. I never grew up with a disease. All my life I have been healthy and stable. I mean I had a cold now and then but I was never so sick that I thought I could not get well. And I always wondered about heaven ever since I was a little boy. I imagined it and get excited about it in church as the pastor preached about it and as I read Revelation. I know I am a long way's off and a long way sojournering. I know my grandparents got there when I was young even at their funeral. I know my father got there a few years ago. And just recently my mother got there. As everyone else I tried to be a good Christian. I tried to love everybody and treat everybody right. I tried to help the poor and suffer not the little children. I tried to help whenever I can and however I can. I truly love my neighbor. Probably because I wish that I had brothers and sisters but I am grateful Mom and Dad showed me enough love to provide and protect me. What a gift of God!. I was just doing the normal things and living right. There was no care. There was no worry. Every morning trying to do something good and trying to make it to the pearly gates. And I was never late to my job not ever. I was a role model employee. I worked hard for what I got because I was grateful for life. I was grateful living. Then I got in this horrible accident while walking and hiking and smelling the fresh air of winter. I was ran over but I lived. I was hospitalized for many months as my cousins and aunts and uncles tried to give me hope. Then it happened I dream of heaven. I had an out of body experience where I was being carried by angels. The angels were fun, adorable and loving. They gently whisper to me and calm my fears. They said Earl you worked hard enough. You loved hard enough. Now it's time to see him. But I explained that I still could do more. I cried that I could still do more. I don't wanna die yet. And the angels said But he's waiting for you waiting to see you and waiting to talk to you. And I said But I am not ready I haven't prepared I haven't got ready I don't know if I am right enough. And they said The Master knows. And after we were finished having a conversation. I saw the pearly gates shining and bright and oh oh how glorious the land and the rivers flowing with milk and honey, the pure waters and there was a man-like angel. And he wore a crown I believe it was Jesus. And he hugged me so tight and kiss my cheek and said well done. But I cried to him and said but I am not finish. And he said I am not finish with you either. But you earned it earned the right to be my heir you earned the right to see heaven and one day you will enter one day you will see. And he brought my mother and father and they look young about 30 or 40 years old. I cried Mom is that you. Dad is that you. And they cried and hug me and said Heaven is a wonderful place. We love you. We miss you. And other family down the years gathering and I could not count all the hugs and lovely words that they said. As I dreamed of Heaven, I was in a slight coma on earth as I woke the doctors and my cousins and aunts and uncles cried as I spoke. And I said I saw heaven and tried to explain to them the wonderful things. They laughed and were interested. I said The Master said I would get better and finish the things I wanted to get done. He just wanted me to see that Heaven is real. Then as I did more and more good works. I saw this poor man and took him out for a meal. And we talked over and over again. And he shook my hand and something change my heart and my mind. I tried to follow him but he disappear. And I knew that it was an angel. And Heaven is real was real real to me and in my heart and it will be forever real Heaven will be with me wherever I go.
By Distinguished Honorary Alumni Dr. Matthew Primous2 years ago in Confessions
