Word of the Day:松ぼっくり

I found some of my mail opened when I got it today. It was put back in place but the seal was broken.

Then they tried to deny it happened.

One day doesn't erase all the pain that they've caused.

Maybe that is just me being hotblooded. But who would blame me?

I don't think it was the person that flashed in my mind, but I wouldn't doubt they tapped that person's phone when I saw them last online.

Which frustrates me even more.

In Pixie Road, there were some turncoat pixies... kind of similarly to Pokemon's Team Rocket.

I actually need to move more than anything. I finally know the direction but... hopefully god lets me get there without a scratch.

Kim sees you.

Oh yea, he was a bad boy... Sexy as shit too. Maybe he was being honest with the offer he was giving me though? But that was a high stakes gamble and I just got out of jail so... that was no bueno. Also that would've taken me more south.

Either way, it is too late now. I think my only appeal to him was that I am a neutral party. Freakin pirate, lol.

Being neutral is both an advantage and disadvantage:

1. Your influence is undervalued.
2. People don't see you as a threat.

I can't name the boy who shares the same stance as me. I tried to warn his mom of some movements, but she sort of has a hard time regulating her nerves anyway so, I don't think I need to make her more neurotic, really. I mean, they SHOULD know, but.. I can't tell him personally anymore. A different "system" kept me from that.

Also that damn witch did some black magic on me, so I dunno if I even owe her any favors. But her son is innocent, yes? He doesn't know everything she does. I don't blame her if she thought I was a threat in that respect... Or she is just well aware of the bullshit and backed off.

I am actually too forgiving lol. This is my actual flaw. When I react appropriately, people think it is unwarranted. But, I have just observed enough and come in like a Peregrine Falcon.

The reality is actually, that stance is more prevalent than you think. Because most systems are multi-tier... Sure, you can start out on one side, then you're given a choice: advance, stay, or leave. This is when people usually change. If you continue, it gets more and more difficult. To be truly part of a certain party/system is... difficult. Because you're sacrificing your humanity to be a symbol. Your soul is all but gone once you're at the top... Well I dunno, I can't presume to know what it is like. I am a very reluctant leader when I am put in the position... I guess I am letting fear do the talking right now. I guess because I only have confidence in the micro not the macro at this point. Also apparently people don't even ask, they just are like " tag, you're it "

I did dream last night. I forgot the detail though. I think it is because I was well aware I had things to do today. Actually I am starting to remember but, I can't really describe the landscape of it very well so I won't attempt it.

I need to prepare for appointments today. I have like 3 this week. I know I am being stubborn not preparing for it because, I am worried it will pull me more into these systems. Basically for all the reasons I mentioned above.