Four years after fleeing domestic violence

(Trigger warning: This article covers the topic of domestic violence. If you or someone you know needs help, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help https://www.thehotline.org/ 1–800–799–7233)

March 7th, 2026, will be four years since I escaped domestic abuse. I’m reflecting on the lessons I have learned, in hopes that it will inspire someone else to get out of an abusive situation. One of my best friends didn’t make it out where I did; that will forever stick with me. Once you're out, it’s essential to look back on everything that led to the situation in the first place.

“For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known” -Luke 12.2

The truth is always in plain sight; however, we are often blind to it. Usually, we don't want to confront the truth. For example, if someone loses their shit over you texting “Lol” and later claims they didn’t know what it meant, that’s a huge red flag. This happened to me, multiple people told me that it was not normal, and he wasn’t safe. I repressed it and moved on. He would get drunk, break stuff, but would replace it the next day and never mention it again. I should have left then instead of pretending nothing happened. Over time, he would punch holes in the walls when he was drunk. The last house I lived in with him had 11 holes in the walls. As I mentioned before, I would use pictures and posters to cover them up. If you ever are at a house and the pictures are placed oddly, they are most likely hiding something. In hindsight, all of this seemed like common sense; it should have been obvious that I needed to get out. Unfortunately, most of the time, people don’t want to hear the truth. It took the extreme of him posting a video on social media of him burning my clothes, pictures, and an autographed item by my favorite rapper to make me realize how dangerous he truly was. I woke up that morning to messages asking if I was okay. Once I saw the video, I called the police and took the steps to obtain a protection order. I have not had contact with him since the day I saw the post. Sadly, I should have seen what was happening much sooner.

“The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding” -Proverbs 4:7

As Socrates said, “Wisdom is knowing how little we know.” After restarting my life, I had to face many hard truths, one being that some things I thought I knew weren’t as they seemed. I can now see when someone harbors ill intent. People tend to reveal themself if you just pay attention. I began to understand how some of my past decisions had led me to my lowest point. My closed mind had kept me from seeing the truth. Over the past 4 years, I started working on self-improvement, which has shown me what was low vibrational in my life. I quit drinking and am focused on a healthy lifestyle. When I reflect on my drinking, I understand how I ended up in the bad situations I was in. January 18th, 2026, I celebrated 2 years of no alcohol. With wisdom, you can tell who’s good for your life. I have cut toxic people out of my life. I’m selective about who I interact with. My energy only goes towards those I truly care about. It’s important to heal and forgive yourself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach. Figure out what motivates you to focus on the good. Most everything I have learned on my self-improvement journey is all common sense and it’s easy to do, but it's up to you to do it. You have to want to make the necessary changes needed to be in a better place.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:18

All domestic violence deaths are preventable. It's that simple. October 14th, 2024, a shocking event happened. One of my best friends, Dainara, was murdered by her husband. He shot her and then put her in a trash can. Their 5 children were home when this happened. Her death was completely preventable; she died due to domestic violence. This is an epidemic that is being ignored. Many women and men have experienced domestic violence. The men tend not to talk about it due to embarrassment. We need to get the knowledge out there. My soul was crushed when I found out Dainara died and how she died. She was only 29 years old and a kind, free-spirited soul who should still be here. At her celebration of life, she was referred to by her birth last name, Burford; her name is Dainara Burford to all who loved her. The monster's name, first and last, was not mentioned. In fact, the only mention was that a crazed individual with a gun took her life. In her honor, I became a domestic violence awareness advocate. My first project is Dainara’s law which is a petition on change.org under https://www.change.org/dainaraslaw to mandate the legal name change for domestic violence victims. Tomorrow, March 8, 2026, would have been her 31st birthday. As I keep saying, this was preventable.

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” -Proverbs 19:21

Life’s a test, and we are constantly learning the lessons it teaches. Oftentimes, we are stubborn in the fact that we want to control every aspect of our lives. We have to accept the unexpected and know it was a part of the Lord’s plan. Before I got out, I was with my ex for 13 years and thought that was just how life was going to be. For me, after I obtained the protection order, my life has changed in the best ways possible; however, it has also been a challenge, and I had to learn to be open to the unknown.“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” -Serenity prayer. As I keep working towards my goals, my life seems to align more with what I want most in life. Believe in God's plan for you as you develop your best life. The past is done, you can’t go back, instead accept that the present needs you now. Go with the flow, stay in the light, and trust the Lord to guide you.

The past 4 years, I have been through a lot while also overcoming a lot. I have opened my mind to new experiences and have had great personal growth. Since I have escaped my bad situation, I have learned who to trust and to always listen to my gut. Once you survive, it's up to you to heal and put your life back together. Stay focused, work hard to achieve your goals. It takes dedication; however, it is worth it in the end.

First step, silence equals violence. If you or someone you know is going through domestic violence, please reach out for help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a great resource for help. https://www.thehotline.org/ 1–800–799–7233. Don’t hesitate to reach for help. There are multiple agencies out there that are more than willing to help. The next step is education and awareness; the more we know what to look for, the more we can do to prevent domestic violence. Teach healthy relationships and interactions to children, as they will pick up what they see. Most of all, trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s not; safety is more important. Take time to heal and learn from the past. Follow dvawarenessnow on Instagram to learn more about domestic violence.